A Bit of Reflection

I know I’m posting this a few weeks late, but I wanted to wish you all a happy and healthy new year. January always beckons a bit of reflection and some goal setting for me, so I thought I’d share where I’m at with all this, in part because it impacts my readers. First, a bit of reflection…

I fell short of my goal to publish a spin-off novel for The Broken Series in 2019. This was the first time in over five years that I didn’t release at least one book per year. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I am one-hundred and thirty-five pages into that novel, however, that project ground to a halt last July due to several medical challenges, which impacted me and my family. I suffered a back injury, my husband ruptured his Achilles, and my daughter’s kidney function declined. We faced several long stints in the hospital, dialysis, and several surgeries, one of which was a much-needed kidney transplant which took place earlier this month. I maintained my teaching load during this time {{{thank God for APUS and online universities}}}, but my writing fell by the wayside. Between the extra demands on my time and the bone crushing exhaustion I’ve been struggling with, I couldn’t write. Believe me I tried, but each time I sat down with my computer, the words on my manuscript would blur, my fingers would land on random letters in no way connected to the words running through my brain, and I’d quickly begin questioning every scene I’d written thus far.

Writing is as essential as breathing for authors. It is what we do, and it’s a big part of who we are. When days trickled into weeks and then months without writing, I felt broken, like some essential part of me was missing. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I’ve been working my way through the seven stages of grieving. Shock and denial? Check. Pain and guilt? Check. Anger and bargaining? Check. Depression? Double check. I’m still working on reconstruction, acceptance, and hope {{{hence, the goals}}}. I am confident my priorities were in the right place. A medical crisis sparks razor-sharp focus on those things that are truly important in life… your husband, your children, your health, your extended family, friendships, and faith. So, as difficult as these experiences have been, 2019 proved to be a good year for me and my family.

So, what about those goals? Well, as we rang in the new year with some very dear friends, exactly one week before my daughter’s kidney transplant, I did blurt out a rather ambitious “I’m writing two books!” when asked to share my goal. {{{See? I’m working toward reconstruction, acceptance, and hope.}}} I am picking myself back up, dusting my computer off, and cranking out some novels. Is that my only goal? Heck no. I want to go on more dates with my husband. I want to take my girls on an adventure, preferably in Europe. I am going to be there for my teenage daughter, supporting her through every blood draw, every doctor appointment, and any unexpected bumps in the road that may come with this new kidney. I will “sleep over” every night she spends in the hospital because I cherish that time with her. I’m going to attend every volleyball tournament for my youngest daughter, cheering her on, because I will not relinquish my title as her biggest fan. I’m going to make my health a priority so I can accomplish all that. And I’m going to be there for my friends when they need me, the same way they’ve been there for me.

Am I biting off more than I can chew? Perhaps. I may not accomplish each goal to perfection, but that isn’t what matters in the end. It’s the journey and all those precious experiences you’ve gained along the way. So… here’s to a happy and health-filled journey in 2020 for you and for me.