K. S. Ruff

I’ve got some good news. I have finally finished that spin-off novel I promised several years ago – a friends to lovers romance for Kadyn and Shae! My editor is working her magic, my beta readers have a draft in their hot little hands, and I have secured a stunning cover I can’t wait to share with you all. Finally, it is all coming together with a tentative release date in March. This has without a doubt been a labor of love, with challenges and distractions seemingly insurmountable at times. I am so happy to be nearing the finish line. 

Speaking of happy… after spending the last few years navigating a global pandemic and merely surviving… I have discovered I need to work on that… on being happy. The New Year’s resolution I have chosen for 2023 is to engage in more activities that make me happy. An integral part of that is trying to figure out what makes me happy. One strategy I have chosen to adopt is acknowledging when something makes me happy… literally stating aloud, “This makes me happy,” even when that feeling is fleeting. 

I have learned a few things already. While trying to pinpoint what makes me happy, I have discovered it truly is the little things. It is snuggling with my dogs, walking with my daughter, and a crisp blue sky. It is seeing leafless trees turn silver in the moonlight, a dusting of snow, and cozy socks. It is having a real conversation on the phone with my friends (instead of texting). It is chucking pistachios at my mom and seeing her initial confusion and disbelief morph into laughter. It is giving and receiving hugs, kissing my husband, sleeping in, and binge-watching Bridgerton. It is that precise moment each week when I finish grading for the classes I am teaching. It is the kind words my students share at the end of the semester. It is learning something new, engaging with someone new, and hearing a friend’s child has finally busted out of the hospital. It is seeing my daughter’s labs looking so good, it is a clean house, a warm cup of coffee, a piece of chocolate while it is melting in my mouth. It’s a completed task. It’s a Yoga stretch. It’s witnessing a good deed, it is helping someone in need, and… finishing my novel.

While I wasn’t surprised to discover these things make me happy, what I did find surprising is how frequently I feel happy. As odd as this may sound, I think I was allowing these moments to slip past me unnoticed. Now that  my “happy radar” is on, I am more aware and appreciative of these moments. 

The last few years have been difficult for all of us. It is long past time we carve out some happiness in the midst of this insanity… to find joy… to move past surviving and savor life. I hope you will join me in adopting strategies that will help you find your happy. If you do, let me know what you find. I would love to hear what makes you happy.

We have proven our strengths. We have proven that at a minimum we are exactly the same as you are. So do prove that you are with us… that you will not let us go… and then life will win over death; light will win over darkness. Glory be to Ukraine. – Volodymyr Zelenskyy, President of Ukraine, March 1, 2022

As many of you know, Ukraine-Russia relations feature heavily in The Broken Series. I thought I would share why I chose to weave this conflict into my novels, and why I feel we should stand with Ukraine now. I think this video is the perfect place to start. Please take a minute to listen to President Zelenskyy’s appeal to the EU. You might want to grab a tissue.

Some background information on the revolutions President Zelenskyy is referring to in this speech. The Orange Revolution was waged after a run-off vote for president in 2004 that was marred by corruption. The Ukrainians voted for the pro-western/pro-democracy candidate Viktor Yushchenko, who survived an assassination attempt (dioxin poisoning) while running against Putin’s preferred candidate, Viktor Yanukovych. Yanukovych was announced the winner, despite credible exit polls proving Yushchenko won. Over a million citizens poured into the streets of Kyiv every day until a free and fair election was held. Yushchenko (the pro-democracy candidate) won. The Orange revolution came to a peaceful end. No blood was spilled.

Sadly, Kremlin-backed Yanukovych secured the presidency in the next election. He imprisoned his political opponent Yulia Tymoshenko, who co-led the Orange Revolution, and he suspended the signing of the EU-Ukraine Association Agreement. That agreement forged stronger economic, social, political, and cultural ties between Ukraine and the EU. Yanukovych chose to strengthen ties with Russia instead, despite the Ukrainians’ deep and long-standing desire to become a member of the EU and NATO. The EuroMaidan revolution (aka Revolution of Dignity) followed. More than a hundred people were killed during the protests. Yanukovych fled his palace, but not before he and his cronies absconded with $40 billion in state assets. They currently live in Russia.

Ukraine’s former president Petro Poroshenko (pro-democracy) and current president Volodymyr Zelenskyy (also pro-democracy) are both fighting in the streets alongside the citizens of Ukraine to defend their country against Russia’s brutal, unprovoked war crimes, which can only be described as a David and Goliath fight. As I write this, international news outlets are reporting that Putin plans to replace President Zelenskyy with Yanukovych, the Kremlin-backed criminal who stole billions from the Ukrainian people before fleeing the country in 2014. I should note this is not the first time Putin has attacked a neighboring country and installed a puppet regime (see, e.g.: Belarus, Chechnya, Abkhazia, and South Ossetia). This is his modus operandi. I share this because I want people to understand how long Ukrainians have been fighting to end Putin’s meddling in their government, how desperately they want to align themselves with European countries, and how determined they are to fight for freedom and democracy. 

Why do I care? I taught conflict resolution in Ukraine in 2003. I also conducted research in Ukraine for the International Peace Research Association. I currently teach Conflict Resolution, NATO, and Human Security (just to name a few classes) for the American Military University. I have followed Ukraine’s progress and the challenges they have faced for decades. I am well aware of the tactics Putin has applied to undermine their democracy. He has applied those same tactics in twenty-seven other democracies, including the United States. He has made clear he will not stand for any NATO ally or NATO country on his border. If he takes Ukraine, there will be four NATO countries on his new, illegally acquired border. He will pick them off one by one, two by two, or altogether by shutting off their fuel, by applying economic warfare, political warfare, cyber warfare, and information warfare (just like he did in Ukraine). He will weaken them, and he will demand they leave NATO. If they do not comply, he will intervene militarily. If they do comply, he will demand they relinquish their militaries (the same demand he has made of Ukraine). He will force them to abandon trade agreements with other democracies, including the United States (just like he did in Ukraine). Once he gains control of these countries, he will apply the same tactics to gain control over the NATO countries on their borders. He will seize control of Europe and the Arctic region. Our world will remain a unipolar world but with Putin at the helm. Meanwhile, Putin will continue to disseminate propaganda fueling tribalism and social unrest in the United States. He will apply political warfare, economic warfare, cyber warfare, and will continue to threaten us with nuclear weapons until we submit. He has developed a nuclear weapon with advanced antimissile countermeasures designed to penetrate the U.S. missile defense shield aptly named Satan 2 (aka RS-28 Sarmat), which travels at 16,000 mph and carries 10 large warheads, all of which can target different locations. This weapon will be loaded into 50 ICBM silos this year. According to Military Today, “a single RS-28 missile with MIRVs can completely destroy three U.S. states.” This is what lies in the balance. This attack on Ukraine is only the beginning. Listen to President Zelenskyy’s other speeches issued over the past several days. He knows it isn’t just the Ukrainians’ he is fighting to save. It’s us. All of us.

And that is why I stand with Ukraine.

You know that feeling you get when you have been driving alone in the car, when your eyes are fixed on the road, but your brain drifts off to another place? You might be replaying a conversation or a past event inside your head, running through that never ending list of things to do, planning the next birthday celebration, working through the latest family dilemma, or daydreaming about some grand escape. Your eyes are fixed on the road, but you lose sight of your surroundings. You blink, and you realize you have traveled several miles. Twenty minutes have passed, and you haven’t a clue what has transpired during that time. You don’t recall driving past the usual landmarks, and you can’t quite fathom how you got there. It is an unsettling feeling. You were there, but you weren’t fully present.

That is how I’m feeling about 2021. I vaguely recall how it began. Vaguely. I don’t remember New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t tell you what kind of cake I ate on my birthday or what, if anything, we did to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day. School ended and summer began with very little fanfare because my children were still enrolled in distance learning. There were a few milestones I do recall… standing in line for the COVID vaccine, the excruciating loss of my sister-in-law, my husband’s prolonged absence as he grieved with his family and then quarantined outside the home for several weeks, the day my daughters got their COVID vaccines, that phone call I received alerting me to the fact my sixteen-year-old was rejecting her transplanted kidney, rolling our suitcases through the ER as we checked into the hospital, the day we busted out of the hospital (kidney once again stable), my fifteen-year-old daughter earning a spot on a highly competitive volleyball team, the joy I felt seeing her play, the fear I felt when she was exposed to COVID, the relief I felt when those test results came back negative, painting my office (something I’ve longed to do for well over a decade), the pride I felt when my daughter passed the test for her learner’s permit, and more recently… carving pumpkins with my brother and his family on a crisp fall day beneath a shockingly blue sky. 

While I can recall several highs and lows, there are huge chunks of time that are missing from my mind. It certainly doesn’t feel like eleven months have passed by. It is unsettling… losing nearly an entire year of your life. And, if I’m being totally honest, the same darn thing happened in 2020. I think these past two years will forever be known as the years we lost to COVID. Our calendars and our clocks kept chugging along, but our brains didn’t compute this passage of time. So many of the events that typically mark the passage of time were cancelled or muted. So here I sit… in November. We are hurtling toward the holidays, and I can’t fathom how we got here. Shockingly, this is my first and quite possibly my last blog post for 2021. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that. 

I want you to know I am still plugging along with Shae’s story (book six in the Broken Series). I’m working on the final chapter now. My editor still needs to work her magic, but that likely won’t happen until January. If all our stars align, we will get this book to print in time for Valentine’s Day. I’m not going to lie. This book has proven a bit of a bear, given the competing demands on my time, but I am eager to share it with you. I will offer this tiny bit of insight… Do you remember way back in the final chapter of Beautifully Broken when Shae was riding her bike on the Potomac River Trail?  She spotted Kri doing yoga in the park and stopped to tell her about that job opening at Seeds for Peace. It was the first time she met Kadyn, who was feeling all kinds of surly because Kri wasn’t answering her phone. Shae hugged Kri before they left for that scavenger hunt benefitting Saint Jude’s Children’s Hospital. When she did, she whispered, “What I wouldn’t give to be you for just one day.” Well, her fairy god-author has granted that wish and then some. I can’t wait for you to see what I have in store for her. Stay tuned. February will be here before you know it!

Before I sign off, let’s pinky promise… No more years lost to COVID. Enjoy the holidays. Every. Moment. No more blinking and wondering how you got there. Live in the moment.

Woah, that sounds like the perfect New Year’s resolution. 

Where’s that pinky?

I don’t know if what I’ve been experiencing is writer’s block or if this is all part and parcel of living through a global pandemic. Juggling my daughter’s kidney transplant (which was followed by several life threatening complications), “living” at the hospital for several weeks, supporting my children in distance learning, trying to re-invent their social lives, comforting them as they mourned the loss of normalcy, scrubbing groceries, cleaning obsessively, researching the threat posed by COVID-19, scouring the news for some sign of hope, all while teaching my university courses online was no small feat. Throw in the nagging distraction of eroding social and political norms, which increased the fear and anxiety I’ve been feeling for my family, and there you have it. I could not quiet my mind long enough to write amid all that chaos and uncertainty. 

Sadly, I’m sure you can relate. 

This was a brutal year for all of us, a year marked by sadness and fear, hardship and loss. But it is my sincerest hope that we can all put these hardships in perspective by reflecting on the unique and astounding challenges we faced, on our resilience, on the kindness of others, the courage and self-sacrifice shown by essential workers, by acknowledging the faith, hope, and love that carried us through this time. Rest assured I am not giving up on my New Year’s resolution to write two books in 2020. I’m simply extending the deadline. I look forward to sharing those books with you in 2021. Until then, stay healthy, be safe, and be kind to yourself. Please, rest in this thought…

You are a gift, and that gift is enough.

COVID-19 has changed our lives in profound ways. Many of us are working from home. Some are still working outside the home, quite literally risking their lives in essential jobs. And far too many have lost their jobs. The sudden onset of this crisis and the abrupt annihilation of so many societal norms have been shocking, anxiety inducing, frustrating, and truly heartbreaking… which is why I’m checking in with you. How are you holding up? I’d really like to know. And what are you doing to make this crisis a bit more bearable for yourselves and your loved ones? I’d never ask you to share something that I myself am unwilling to share, so I’ll start, but promise me, you’ll share how you are feeling as well. We could all stand to gain a few more strategies for getting through this crisis so please consider sharing some of your strategies in the comment section below.

So, how am I holding up? Well, it’s been a mixed bag. My daughter had a kidney transplant in January. She had an adverse reaction to some of her medications, so she has no immune system at the moment. She is in that at-risk population, as are my parents, who live with us. She’s being monitored closely. Unfortunately, that monitoring requires weekly, sometimes twice weekly blood draws. In other words, we have to break our “quarantine bubble” on a regular basis. We take every precaution imaginable, but the fear and anxiety surrounding the exposure to others and the implications for my daughter are staggering. We have been unable to quarantine long enough to breathe easy, to feel like maybe, just maybe, we’re in the clear. Because we’re not. Add to this concern for my youngest daughter, whose volleyball season ended abruptly. She’s missed several training camps on top of that, so she’s worried she won’t have the skills and endurance to make the team when she enters high school in the fall. I don’t want to see her dreams squashed. And then there’s my mom. She had to leave a job she loves in order to protect my daughter and her own health. I’m worried for her as well. My brother and his wife aren’t working, and they’ve been unable to qualify for unemployment. They have bills to pay and two toddlers to provide for. I’m worried for them, and I miss them terribly. Which is crazy because they live less than a mile away. I’m also worried about my single friends, who have been isolated for far too long. I’m even more worried for all those nurses and physicians who have seen our family through so many difficult times. So, yes, I’m scared, and sad, and worried.

But I’m also extremely grateful. I’m grateful my husband and I can both work from home. I’m grateful we have such a remarkable support system. I’m grateful to those teachers who suddenly had to switch to online teaching so they could continue to educate and empower our students. I’m grateful for every person who is working in an essential job, for every person who has closed a business, for those who have sacrificed their jobs, and for every person who willingly abides by the quarantine. And I am simply in awe of all the people who are making masks; donating protective equipment, food, and money; shopping for others, and supporting businesses that have closed as best they can. I’m so deeply humbled by these heroic acts, by the selflessness that now defines our country and others. They say a person’s true character is revealed during a crisis. Well, I want you to take a good long look in the mirror and recognize just how courageous, selfless, kind, and heroic you are. I also want to thank you from the bottom of my heart because my daughter’s life is one of those lives you are saving right now.

So, as I smile and brush a grateful tear from my cheek, I want to share some of the strategies I’ve been applying to get by. First, I’ve been trying to focus on the silver linings, identifying several aloud each and every day. I’ve been praying a lot. I’ve been attending church online in my pajamas with my dog. I’ve been talking more with family and friends through video messaging, not just texting. I’ve been spending more time with my family, playing games and binge-watching Psych. I’m cuddling with my dog more. I’m walking with my husband, my daughters, and my dog. I’m feeding the squirrels who venture onto our deck. I’m keeping the birdfeeder full as well. As silly as it seems, I really enjoy their visits. We invested in a hammock, which has helped draw us all outside and provides us with an opportunity to soak in some Vitamin D and relax. I ordered some seeds from Burpee and have been growing herbs, vegetables, and flowers. I’m doing Yoga with Adriene (all of her classes are free on YouTube). I’m reading more books, mostly time travel romance. They’ve proven a wonderful escape. I’m watching the news less, taking it in in small doses so I can stay informed but not overwhelmed. I’m listening to more music. I’m eating healthier, baking more. And I’ve been seeking out ways to help those who are less fortunate. 

So tell me, how are you holding up? What sort of strategies are you applying to help make this crisis a bit more bearable? I really want to know.

I know I’m posting this a few weeks late, but I wanted to wish you all a happy and healthy new year. January always beckons a bit of reflection and some goal setting for me, so I thought I’d share where I’m at with all this, in part because it impacts my readers. First, a bit of reflection…

I fell short of my goal to publish a spin-off novel for The Broken Series in 2019. This was the first time in over five years that I didn’t release at least one book per year. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I am one-hundred and thirty-five pages into that novel, however, that project ground to a halt last July due to several medical challenges, which impacted me and my family. I suffered a back injury, my husband ruptured his Achilles, and my daughter’s kidney function declined. We faced several long stints in the hospital, dialysis, and several surgeries, one of which was a much-needed kidney transplant which took place earlier this month. I maintained my teaching load during this time {{{thank God for APUS and online universities}}}, but my writing fell by the wayside. Between the extra demands on my time and the bone crushing exhaustion I’ve been struggling with, I couldn’t write. Believe me I tried, but each time I sat down with my computer, the words on my manuscript would blur, my fingers would land on random letters in no way connected to the words running through my brain, and I’d quickly begin questioning every scene I’d written thus far.

Writing is as essential as breathing for authors. It is what we do, and it’s a big part of who we are. When days trickled into weeks and then months without writing, I felt broken, like some essential part of me was missing. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I’ve been working my way through the seven stages of grieving. Shock and denial? Check. Pain and guilt? Check. Anger and bargaining? Check. Depression? Double check. I’m still working on reconstruction, acceptance, and hope {{{hence, the goals}}}. I am confident my priorities were in the right place. A medical crisis sparks razor-sharp focus on those things that are truly important in life… your husband, your children, your health, your extended family, friendships, and faith. So, as difficult as these experiences have been, 2019 proved to be a good year for me and my family.

So, what about those goals? Well, as we rang in the new year with some very dear friends, exactly one week before my daughter’s kidney transplant, I did blurt out a rather ambitious “I’m writing two books!” when asked to share my goal. {{{See? I’m working toward reconstruction, acceptance, and hope.}}} I am picking myself back up, dusting my computer off, and cranking out some novels. Is that my only goal? Heck no. I want to go on more dates with my husband. I want to take my girls on an adventure, preferably in Europe. I am going to be there for my teenage daughter, supporting her through every blood draw, every doctor appointment, and any unexpected bumps in the road that may come with this new kidney. I will “sleep over” every night she spends in the hospital because I cherish that time with her. I’m going to attend every volleyball tournament for my youngest daughter, cheering her on, because I will not relinquish my title as her biggest fan. I’m going to make my health a priority so I can accomplish all that. And I’m going to be there for my friends when they need me, the same way they’ve been there for me.

Am I biting off more than I can chew? Perhaps. I may not accomplish each goal to perfection, but that isn’t what matters in the end. It’s the journey and all those precious experiences you’ve gained along the way. So… here’s to a happy and health-filled journey in 2020 for you and for me.

Okay. I’ll admit it. I’m a total foodie. I love food but not just any food. I love rich, flavorful, decadent, artfully presented food. Anyone who has read The Broken Series has likely picked up on this. I spend a considerable amount of time describing food in my books… how it looks, tastes, feels, and smells. Whether it’s the garlic infused clam linguini Kri cooks for Kadyn, the lobster bisque soup Michael and Kristine enjoy by a crackling fire, or the sinfully dark chocolate mousse Kri and Rafael spoon feed each other in bed, food can be seductive. 

I know which foods I find romantic… pasta, dark chocolate, olives, grapes, strawberries, pears, Manchego cheese, and crusty baguettes. I had a serious love affair with sushi until I developed a seafood allergy, which about wrecked me. Now it’s tapas. I don’t care for big plates heaped with massive amounts of food. I prefer small plates of artfully presented food with flavors so well calculated and complex you can’t help but moan when you taste it. 

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this, but I am left pondering what makes food romantic? Is there anyone out there who finds burgers romantic? Perhaps. If your lover kissed away the juice that’s dribbling down your chin. What about fish and chips? Nachos? Pork chops? Maybe, if they’re served with mango salsa or some decadent honey garlic glaze. 

There are scientific studies that seek to explain our love affair with food. Certain foods increase dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin levels, the same hormones triggered by romantic attraction or when having sex. Still, most people wouldn’t consider a hard-boiled egg romantic, even if it does increase all three hormones. Eggs Benedict. Now that’s another story. 

So, is it all in the presentation? I think presentation may be part of it. Food that is artfully presented can feel romantic even if it tastes mediocre at best. An overcooked pancake delivered on a breakfast tray with strawberries is still romantic even if that pancake is charred on one side. The fact that someone lovingly prepared that pancake and thought to add the strawberries makes that pancake romantic. That breakfast is a gift and an act of service, which is two (of five) love languages. 

Some of our most cherished memories involve food. Most of us remember what we were eating when our spouse proposed, the meal we shared on our first date, the meal we shared on our last date, on our wedding day, during our honeymoon, and several anniversaries. Food triggers memories steeped in love, it speaks two love languages, and it seduces all five of our most basic senses… taste, touch, smell, sight, and hearing. Before you argue with me about food sounding seductive, I’ve got one word for you. Teppanyaki. Teppanyaki sounds all kinds of sexy. Food seduces us, just as an attentive lover would. Is it any wonder we’re so passionate about food?