I know I’m posting this a few weeks late, but I wanted to wish you all a happy and healthy new year. January always beckons a bit of reflection and some goal setting for me, so I thought I’d share where I’m at with all this, in part because it impacts my readers. First, a bit of reflection…

I fell short of my goal to publish a spin-off novel for The Broken Series in 2019. This was the first time in over five years that I didn’t release at least one book per year. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I am one-hundred and thirty-five pages into that novel, however, that project ground to a halt last July due to several medical challenges, which impacted me and my family. I suffered a back injury, my husband ruptured his Achilles, and my daughter’s kidney function declined. We faced several long stints in the hospital, dialysis, and several surgeries, one of which was a much-needed kidney transplant which took place earlier this month. I maintained my teaching load during this time {{{thank God for APUS and online universities}}}, but my writing fell by the wayside. Between the extra demands on my time and the bone crushing exhaustion I’ve been struggling with, I couldn’t write. Believe me I tried, but each time I sat down with my computer, the words on my manuscript would blur, my fingers would land on random letters in no way connected to the words running through my brain, and I’d quickly begin questioning every scene I’d written thus far.

Writing is as essential as breathing for authors. It is what we do, and it’s a big part of who we are. When days trickled into weeks and then months without writing, I felt broken, like some essential part of me was missing. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I’ve been working my way through the seven stages of grieving. Shock and denial? Check. Pain and guilt? Check. Anger and bargaining? Check. Depression? Double check. I’m still working on reconstruction, acceptance, and hope {{{hence, the goals}}}. I am confident my priorities were in the right place. A medical crisis sparks razor-sharp focus on those things that are truly important in life… your husband, your children, your health, your extended family, friendships, and faith. So, as difficult as these experiences have been, 2019 proved to be a good year for me and my family.

So, what about those goals? Well, as we rang in the new year with some very dear friends, exactly one week before my daughter’s kidney transplant, I did blurt out a rather ambitious “I’m writing two books!” when asked to share my goal. {{{See? I’m working toward reconstruction, acceptance, and hope.}}} I am picking myself back up, dusting my computer off, and cranking out some novels. Is that my only goal? Heck no. I want to go on more dates with my husband. I want to take my girls on an adventure, preferably in Europe. I am going to be there for my teenage daughter, supporting her through every blood draw, every doctor appointment, and any unexpected bumps in the road that may come with this new kidney. I will “sleep over” every night she spends in the hospital because I cherish that time with her. I’m going to attend every volleyball tournament for my youngest daughter, cheering her on, because I will not relinquish my title as her biggest fan. I’m going to make my health a priority so I can accomplish all that. And I’m going to be there for my friends when they need me, the same way they’ve been there for me.

Am I biting off more than I can chew? Perhaps. I may not accomplish each goal to perfection, but that isn’t what matters in the end. It’s the journey and all those precious experiences you’ve gained along the way. So… here’s to a happy and health-filled journey in 2020 for you and for me.

Okay. I’ll admit it. I’m a total foodie. I love food but not just any food. I love rich, flavorful, decadent, artfully presented food. Anyone who has read The Broken Series has likely picked up on this. I spend a considerable amount of time describing food in my books… how it looks, tastes, feels, and smells. Whether it’s the garlic infused clam linguini Kri cooks for Kadyn, the lobster bisque soup Michael and Kristine enjoy by a crackling fire, or the sinfully dark chocolate mousse Kri and Rafael spoon feed each other in bed, food can be seductive. 

I know which foods I find romantic… pasta, dark chocolate, olives, grapes, strawberries, pears, Manchego cheese, and crusty baguettes. I had a serious love affair with sushi until I developed a seafood allergy, which about wrecked me. Now it’s tapas. I don’t care for big plates heaped with massive amounts of food. I prefer small plates of artfully presented food with flavors so well calculated and complex you can’t help but moan when you taste it. 

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this, but I am left pondering what makes food romantic? Is there anyone out there who finds burgers romantic? Perhaps. If your lover kissed away the juice that’s dribbling down your chin. What about fish and chips? Nachos? Pork chops? Maybe, if they’re served with mango salsa or some decadent honey garlic glaze. 

There are scientific studies that seek to explain our love affair with food. Certain foods increase dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin levels, the same hormones triggered by romantic attraction or when having sex. Still, most people wouldn’t consider a hard-boiled egg romantic, even if it does increase all three hormones. Eggs Benedict. Now that’s another story. 

So, is it all in the presentation? I think presentation may be part of it. Food that is artfully presented can feel romantic even if it tastes mediocre at best. An overcooked pancake delivered on a breakfast tray with strawberries is still romantic even if that pancake is charred on one side. The fact that someone lovingly prepared that pancake and thought to add the strawberries makes that pancake romantic. That breakfast is a gift and an act of service, which is two (of five) love languages. 

Some of our most cherished memories involve food. Most of us remember what we were eating when our spouse proposed, the meal we shared on our first date, the meal we shared on our last date, on our wedding day, during our honeymoon, and several anniversaries. Food triggers memories steeped in love, it speaks two love languages, and it seduces all five of our most basic senses… taste, touch, smell, sight, and hearing. Before you argue with me about food sounding seductive, I’ve got one word for you. Teppanyaki. Teppanyaki sounds all kinds of sexy. Food seduces us, just as an attentive lover would. Is it any wonder we’re so passionate about food? 

Confession time. I’ve been binge watching Hallmark Movies since November 9. You may be wondering why that’s news worthy. Well, we’ve had one long-standing rule in my family. No Christmas movies before Thanksgiving. We felt it was important to embrace Halloween and Thanksgiving, to savor those festivities and all the memories they bring. We resented the fact that retailers drag their holiday decorations out before Halloween. We don’t want to rush things. We’d much prefer to linger in the moment and enjoy each holiday rather than fast-forwarding to the grand finale. So, why would I break this long-standing rule? I’m not big on watching TV. I much prefer to read and write {{{obviously}}}. The only thing I regularly watch is the news. I teach courses in international relations, human security, and peacekeeping, so I’ve got to stay apprised of current events.

There in lies the problem. Our current political climate scares me. And, you know what? I’ve been feeling that way for quite some time. The political rhetoric; the demonizing; the fear mongering; all those hate-filled speeches; the chaos; the lies {{{oh, my word, the lies}}}; the erosion of our civil liberties, our democracy, and our constitutional rights; this rise in hate crimes; the KKK literature littering the streets in my community; the tiki torches on university campuses; the mail bombs; the active shooters targeting those with different skin tones, religions, or political beliefs – this presents a security threat for all of us, regardless of our political affiliation. I’ve seen adults and children alike bullying others, threatening American citizens, those visiting from other countries, those who came here seeking refuge, and those who are here legally, screaming at them, demanding they leave our country. It’s terrifying really, because I’ve seen where this all leads. I’ve spent decades analyzing violent conflicts in places like Rwanda, Darfur, Bosnia, Kosovo, Syria, Ukraine, Georgia, Germany, and Iraq. All the warning signs are there. We are drawing perilously close to authoritarian rule, government collapse, and violent group conflict. That scares me, and it hurts my heart.

You see, I’ve been mourning the loss of civility, integrity, honesty, kindness, and respect. That’s why I’m watching Hallmark movies a little earlier this year. I want to see more kindness; more selfless, heartwarming, cocoa drinking, cookie making, sleigh riding, snow-ball fighting, awkward, tender and romantic moments. I want to see flawed people make mistakes but choose to do the right thing in the end. I want to see wonderful things happen to kind people. I want to see the good guys win. And I want to see it over and over again.

So, yes, I’m binge watching Hallmark movies a little earlier this year. I know it’s not the most productive use of my time. This may very well delay the book I’m writing, but you know what? I need these feel-good moments like I need my next breath. So, this has me wondering if everyone carved out time to watch these Hallmark movies, if it wouldn’t change things… if it wouldn’t inspire us to be kinder, more selfless, giving, and patient with others. There are kind, selfless, heroic people out there accomplishing great things. I know these people exist. I am fortunate enough to have several of them in my life. And, guess what? I’ve been baking more cookies, volunteering more in my community, seeking opportunities to be kind. I’ve been spending more time with family and friends and really savoring those moments with them. So, don’t underestimate the power of a Hallmark movie. Tune in instead. They just might save us in the end.