Confession time. I’ve been binge watching Hallmark Movies since November 9. You may be wondering why that’s news worthy. Well, we’ve had one long-standing rule in my family. No Christmas movies before Thanksgiving. We felt it was important to embrace Halloween and Thanksgiving, to savor those festivities and all the memories they bring. We resented the fact that retailers drag their holiday decorations out before Halloween. We don’t want to rush things. We’d much prefer to linger in the moment and enjoy each holiday rather than fast-forwarding to the grand finale. So, why would I break this long-standing rule? I’m not big on watching TV. I much prefer to read and write {{{obviously}}}. The only thing I regularly watch is the news. I teach courses in international relations, human security, and peacekeeping, so I’ve got to stay apprised of current events.

There in lies the problem. Our current political climate scares me. And, you know what? I’ve been feeling that way for quite some time. The political rhetoric; the demonizing; the fear mongering; all those hate-filled speeches; the chaos; the lies {{{oh, my word, the lies}}}; the erosion of our civil liberties, our democracy, and our constitutional rights; this rise in hate crimes; the KKK literature littering the streets in my community; the tiki torches on university campuses; the mail bombs; the active shooters targeting those with different skin tones, religions, or political beliefs – this presents a security threat for all of us, regardless of our political affiliation. I’ve seen adults and children alike bullying others, threatening American citizens, those visiting from other countries, those who came here seeking refuge, and those who are here legally, screaming at them, demanding they leave our country. It’s terrifying really, because I’ve seen where this all leads. I’ve spent decades analyzing violent conflicts in places like Rwanda, Darfur, Bosnia, Kosovo, Syria, Ukraine, Georgia, Germany, and Iraq. All the warning signs are there. We are drawing perilously close to authoritarian rule, government collapse, and violent group conflict. That scares me, and it hurts my heart.

You see, I’ve been mourning the loss of civility, integrity, honesty, kindness, and respect. That’s why I’m watching Hallmark movies a little earlier this year. I want to see more kindness; more selfless, heartwarming, cocoa drinking, cookie making, sleigh riding, snow-ball fighting, awkward, tender and romantic moments. I want to see flawed people make mistakes but choose to do the right thing in the end. I want to see wonderful things happen to kind people. I want to see the good guys win. And I want to see it over and over again.

So, yes, I’m binge watching Hallmark movies a little earlier this year. I know it’s not the most productive use of my time. This may very well delay the book I’m writing, but you know what? I need these feel-good moments like I need my next breath. So, this has me wondering if everyone carved out time to watch these Hallmark movies, if it wouldn’t change things… if it wouldn’t inspire us to be kinder, more selfless, giving, and patient with others. There are kind, selfless, heroic people out there accomplishing great things. I know these people exist. I am fortunate enough to have several of them in my life. And, guess what? I’ve been baking more cookies, volunteering more in my community, seeking opportunities to be kind. I’ve been spending more time with family and friends and really savoring those moments with them. So, don’t underestimate the power of a Hallmark movie. Tune in instead. They just might save us in the end.

K.S. Ruff

 

In Broken Together Rafael takes Kristine to Portugal, where he reveals a closely guarded secret. Kristine falls hopelessly in love with Portugal. Is it any wonder? Majestic castles and intricately carved churches are nestled like jewels among white-washed limestone buildings and red clay roofs that spill into the ocean from the hillsides of Lisbon. The cobblestone roads are more appropriately labeled a medieval maze than passable streets. Art is everywhere, within the Moorish, Romanesque, Baroque, Renaissance, and Neoclassical architecture; in the hand painted tiles and tile murals adorning most of the buildings; and in the black and white mosaic tiles that form elegant designs within the sidewalks beneath your feet. The decaying buildings in the impoverished areas are no exception. These post-apocalyptic looking buildings boast magnificent displays of urban art. Lisbon doesn’t simply depict art; this city IS art.

A thirty minute train ride will whisk you away from this artful city and promptly deposit you into Sintra, a seductive soiree of magical forests, castles, palaces, and palace gardens. You’re left wandering slack-jawed through a fairytale novel, where you’ll discover delicate arches carved as finely as any filigree necklace at Monserrate Palace. Those arches sit atop an endless array of elegant columns with floral capitals. The hallways, ceilings, balconies, and stairways are carved with such exquisite detail it will make your heart ache. At Regaleira Palace the mysterious underground tunnels between the grottos, caves, initiation wells, and chapel marked by the Knights Templar will tempt and tease your imagination. The gardens surrounding these palaces are filled with unfathomable beauty. Tendrils of fog wind around the majestic Pena Palace and through the lush forest that holds equally intriguing mysteries

Can’t get enough of the palaces? Go spend the night at Obidos Castle. Want to learn more about the Knights Templar? Visit the City of Tomar. Want to explore another fascinating city? Visit Porto. Prefer to kick back and relax for a while? Escape to Cascais or the Madeira Islands. There are so many fantastic experiences awaiting you in this country, experiences that are truly unique to Portugal. Rest assured, the people of Portugal will take very good care of you. They take service and hospitality to a whole new level. Most everyone speaks English, and the menus are printed in multiple languages.  If you look even remotely lost, someone will stop to ask if he can help you, and he won’t just offer directions. Oh, no. He will quite likely walk you where you need to go.

Portugal belongs on the short list of places you long to visit. Their hotels, transportation, and food (don’t even get me started on the decadent pastries, the bica, and the seafood) are surprisingly affordable; so I’d bump Portugal to the very top of that list. Consider yourself warned, though. You will lose your heart to this country, just like Kri and I did!

 

 

 

 

 

Photographs by Kari Kunkel-Anderson and K.S. Ruff.

All rights reserved.

If you’ve read The Broken Road, then you probably know how I feel about dogs. Kri’s beloved Shi Tzu, Cade, stood between Kri and her abuser for nine long years. He weighed in at only nine pounds, and yet he didn’t hesitate to protect her against a man who could have easily killed them both. Kri was battered, and Cade was battered right alongside her. They slept together on the bathroom floor more nights than Kri could count, because the bathroom was the only room in the house with a door that locked. When Kri ran away from her abuser, she took only one thing with her. Her beloved Cade.

I had a dog like that once. A dog that stood between me and an abuser. That dog, Toby, taught me everything I know about love. He licked me on the nose, just seconds before he died. One final act of love. He was trying to comfort me, even though he was in excruciating pain. Toby took a piece of my heart with him when he died at the ripe old age of sixteen. I couldn’t bear the thought of living without him, so I had him cremated and placed in a simple maple urn. He currently rests in my office, next to a picture of the two of us. I still miss him, terribly. In all honesty, I’ve left my husband strict instructions to bury Toby with me when I die. Here’s a few reasons why…

1. Toby taught me to forgive those who hurt me, every time he forgave me for screwing up.
2. He taught me to greet those I love at the door; to show my loved ones how happy I am to see them every single day.
3. He comforted me when I was sick; resting his head on my stomach, foot, or leg until I felt better.
4. He literally licked my wounds.
5. Toby cuddled with me, a lot.
6. When I was excited, Toby wagged his tail. He was excited for me.
7. When I cried, Toby cried with me, either whimpering or howling with all his might.
8. He protected me, fiercely.
9. He warned me when he thought I was in danger and then moved closer to stand by my side.
10. Toby never abandoned me.
11. He made sure I was never alone.
12. Toby overlooked my shortcomings.
13. He didn’t expect perfection; he simply celebrated the fact that I existed.
14. He believed in me.
15. He trusted me to care for him; and last but certainly not least…
16. Toby taught me to love with my whole heart.

You can learn a lot from a dog. Ask Luis Carlos Montalvan, a wounded warrior with a service dog named Tuesday. Or better yet, read his book Until Tuesday. His story is even more compelling than mine. Or ask the next person you see with a service dog: How did this dog change your life? Stories abound about heroic dogs. Here are just a few: Hero Dog of the Year Finalists from 2014. Dogs show their love and devotion in remarkable ways. Countless dogs refuse to leave their master’s graves, even years after their masters have passed away. There simply is no greater love than the love of a dog.

K.S. Ruff

I first realized the power of music when my daughter had a kidney transplant at the tender age of two and a half. Her transplant team sent a music therapist to her hospital room two days after the surgery, once the more intimidating tubes and lines had been removed from her little body. The young man played a guitar as he strolled into the room and sat beside her on the hospital bed. He made her forget about her pain and coaxed the first smile we’d seen in days. Then he piled a number of musical instruments onto her bed. They made music together; and for that one glorious hour, the rest of us gained a much needed reprieve from the fears and anxieties that had been eating away at us. We no longer saw the life threatening medical condition… only our precious little girl grinning ear to ear as she beat on that drum.

Music can magically transport us, much like books do. That’s why I weave music into my books. Whether it’s Kadyn singing “Dream a Little Dream of Me” while slow dancing with Kri, the mysterious young man singing “Make You Feel My Love” when he finds Kri crying on a park bench, Kri singing along with Pink in the shower, or the friends dancing to Shaggy’s “Angel” when they’re vacationing in the Bahamas… music moves us.

We lean on music, like an old friend, at parties, weddings, and funerals. Music makes our commutes a little easier, our exercise regimes more bearable, and our dinners more enjoyable. So next time you’re in pain, feeling discouraged, or overwhelmed… seek out that long lost friend. Whichever genre you prefer, find the music that will lift your spirits or soothe you. Apply a little music therapy of your own. Give it a good hour to work while you go about your day. I promise, you’ll feel better!

It’s Memorial Day weekend. Thousands of people are visiting graves, raising flags, and honoring those who died while serving our country. So it should come as no surprise that I’m sitting here thinking about heroes. I often think of my two favorite heroes, the men who inspired my characters Kadyn and Dan in The Broken series. Kadyn, the man who pulls together hostage extraction teams, commandeers jets, and stands between a gunman and the woman he loves. Dan, the Vietnam Vet and former skip tracer who steps in to protect an abused woman with a stalker, jumps out of trees, and still manages to crack a joke while punching out the bad guy.

These characters have got me thinking about what heroes look like. I’ve given it some serious thought and concluded that heroes come in all shapes and sizes. Devastatingly handsome men with rock hard abs and witty remarks aren’t the only ones out there saving the day. I’ve run across a lot of heroes in my lifetime. Here’s just a few…

• The mother who donated her nine year old daughter’s organs after she was killed in a car crash on the 4th of July so she could turn that horrific tragedy into something good;
• The Vietnam Vet battling PTSD who seeks out soldiers coming back from Afghanistan and Iraq so he can help them cope with their PTSD;
• The nine pound Shih Tzu who really did stand between an abuser and his battered wife;
• The countless moms I know who have given up rewarding careers to become full-time caregivers and advocates for their special needs children;
• The Vietnam Vet who helped an elderly woman out of a snowbank on the corner of a busy street in Helena this winter;
• The father who gave up his kidney to save his daughter’s life;
• The husband and wife who rappelled down a 220 foot building to raise money for Special Olympics in Delaware earlier this month;
• The three nurses I know who continue nursing others while battling their own life-threatening medical conditions;
• The soldier who moved mountains to bring two homeless dogs from Afghanistan home with him;
• The woman who was abused for twelve years as a child who has devoted her life to teaching at risk four year olds;
• The man who stood by his wife’s side as she battled cancer, who still honors her memory as a single dad;
• The six year old girl who insisted her mommy hand over her allowance so she could give it to a homeless family;
• The family who adopted three children from an orphanage in Russia, when they were only planning to adopt one;
• The prisoner who decided it was not too late to do something good with his life so he trained a service dog for a special needs child;
• The veterinarian who sponsored a 5K Hero Dog Walk to raise money to pay for service dogs for injured and disabled military veterans;
• The university student who is volunteering at an orphanage in India during her summer break;
• The ten year old girl who received the Excellence in Supporting Special Education Award earlier this month; and
• The family who adopted not one, not two, not three, but four special needs children, including a child from North Korea who was expected to die from cancer within the year.

You don’t have to walk through Arlington Cemetery (although I would very much encourage you to do so) to know there are heroes among us. People who despite their own hardships, pain, and suffering do extraordinary things to help make this world a better place. I hope this post inspires you to reflect on the heroes in your life; tell them how much you respect and admire them; or do something heroic in their honor.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank our military men and women. For them, it is never a single heroic act. They do heroic things every day. They risk their lives, sacrifice time with their families, and give everything they have to give twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for their country, the people they love, and people they don’t even know. And I don’t believe they are hard-wired this way. They make a conscious decision, weighing all the costs and the risks, and they choose to be our heroes every single minute of every single day. Long after they retire from the military, and even from their final resting place, they empower and inspire the rest of us to do heroic things. Thank you… every single one of you… who has chosen to serve in this way. You are my hero.

Look at those lists! They both include physical attention, thoughtful gestures, and acts of kindness; but there is one BIG difference – men add service oriented tasks to their list – things like cleaning the house, running errands, fixing things, and doing favors. I have to admit I was a little annoyed by this. I mean, I’ve scrubbed my toilet at least a hundred times… and it hasn’t made my husband swoon – not once!  Still, out of fairness, a very good friend of mine once confided that the most romantic thing her husband did for her was shine her dress shoes. He was a Navy veteran, which I think makes the fact that he was voluntarily shining her shoes all the more impressive. She found his service romantic, but I think most of us are missing the point of these service oriented tasks. These may very well be the romantic gestures that we women don’t recognize!

The bottom line is this: We could ALL use a little more romance in our lives; and the nice thing about romantic gestures is they tend to be contagious. You text your boyfriend a thoughtful note, odds are high you are going to get one back. You slip a note in your husband’s Kindle, and he will likely leave one in yours. Look over the lists again. I’ll wait here while you do…. Did you notice how most of these romantic gestures cost absolutely nothing? If you really want more romance in your lives, do me a favor. Put your romance novel down for one evening (well maybe not my romance novel, but someone else’s romance novel). Fix your kids dinner and send them to bed early. Then, turn some soft music on, sit down at the dining room table, and have a candlelit dinner with your spouse. Write a note (or two or three) and put it somewhere he/she will find it. And, ladies, next time your husband kisses you on the neck when you are cooking… for crying out loud, turn around and throw your arms around his neck. Kiss him like you did when you first met. Play footsie under the dinner table. Dance in the kitchen – in front of your kids! Or, send the kids to the neighbors for a play date on Saturday afternoon, then chase your husband around the house with a squirt gun. Leave those ratty pajamas in your drawer for one night and slip into something nice. If you don’t have anything nice, just put on a pair of high heels and call it good. Trust me, you won’t regret it!!! In fact, I am quite certain you’ll enjoy where that little romantic gesture takes you.

K.S. Ruff

 

Bibliography

1. Ogas, Ogi. The online world of female desire. The Wall Street Journal. Arts and Entertainment. 2011. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704463804576291181510459902.html (accessed Sept. 26, 2013)

2. Business of Consumer Book Publishing. The romance genre. Romance Writers of America. 2013. http://www.rwa.org/p/cm/ld/fid=580 (accessed Sept. 26, 2013)